Uncertainty in the bathroom sink

Music.  It can be healing, trigger different emotions and memories; sometimes happy, sometimes sad.  I don’t know what it is about music, but thank god for it.  Seriously!  Sometimes it feels so good to just drive around with your music playing so loud you can feel it vibrating in your lungs.  I used to hate when Danny did that.  But now it's just one of those things that I've taken from him, like, ya know what? Who the hell cares.  Not even gonna turn it down at a red light..sorry car neighbor! 

Other times, when you need a good cry, sit on the floor in the dark and play Traveling Soldier.  If they had a song called Traveling Marine I would play that, so this will have to do. (Sorry Danny).  I know it's a sad song, and I know it will make me cry if I play it... sooo...I play it. 

This morning I woke up and went on with my morning routine; sat in the bathroom sink in front of the mirror and did my makeup. (Not sure why we do this but it’s totally a Vasselian thing…it just works).  I was listening to Pandora on my phone (which if you put in a big bowl makes it louder in case ya didn’t know!) Anyway, a song came on and the lyric hit me. 

“Well I’ve been afraid of changing ‘cause I built my life around you” 

I am afraid…terrified, actually.  I sat there, looking at myself in the mirror, thinking ‘Who the hell are you, now?’ As corny, and probably slightly unhealthy as it sounds, Danny was my whole world.  Every decision I made, I made with him on my mind.  I still do.  

How can I be afraid to change if I’m not even the same person?  Who is Erin without Danny?  I guess that is part of this new life…finding the new me.  

Well, until next time, Stevie.