My Hiatus of Happiness

It's been quite some time since I have written anything (6 months, eek!), but I'm still here!  When I decided to first start a blog, I was stumped on what to call it.  I remember asking a friend, whose opinion I value very much, for her input (she happens to be a blogger AND a widow). "I asked my daughter what she thought and she said 'It sounds like it's always going to be sad'" she told me.  I thought, 'Well, no shit!  It is!'...because I thought that I was always going to be sad.  Anything I would write would be sad.  My world will always be sad.  Lo and behold, I was wrong. 

After losing Danny, I gained some amazing friends who had been through similar tragedies.  While knowing they would always carry sadness in their hearts, I saw happiness in their new lives, post-loss.  I think I felt envious in a way, because I didn't see myself ever getting to that point.  I also learned from them that you never 'move on', you move forward...huge difference!  That was a big fear of mine..being happy again.  It felt like I would somehow be leaving Danny behind.  But there is one thing I know and it's that he would want me to grab life by the balls and live it.  He would want me laughing and enjoying every day, as he did.  I hope that by doing so, I am honoring him at the same time.

Any-who...Erin joined the happy club.  Life's winds swept me away and plopped me in front of someone who I believe I was meant to meet.  I have been smiling and laughing so much that I annoy myself...and it feels good!  I'm starting to understand the whole concept of a heart not healing, but growing.  I love and miss my husband every day, no less than I did before, but I'm able to carry that with me and continue my life; a good, happy life that I deserve.  So, I just wanted to do a quick little catch-up blurb of where I'm at.  Life happened and I got distracted, but now I feel motivated and have an itch to get back to the things I love. I'm focusing on me and being my most happy, healthy, creative version while sorting out all the other adult-ish stuff along the way.  :)