How did I get here?

There are some days when reality just gives me a nice smack in the face.  The picture of Danny on my desk is one that I see every day at work, but today it caught my eye differently.  I glanced at it as I always do, but couldn’t look away.  How did I get here?  Why don’t I get to say good morning to my husband anymore, give him a kiss goodbye before I go to work?  How did this happen?  

He should be here.

I can almost see his face like he is standing right in front of me and nothing has changed.  It’s really hard to think that everything actually has.   I can see and remember every freckle, every scar, the imperfection of his nose that I could never describe to him but always liked for some reason.  Danny has not yet become a memory to me, and I don’t know if he ever will.  He is so much a part of my every day and I really don’t want that to change.  It’s hard not to tear up while writing this, which may support the fact that I thought starting a blog and sharing my feelings, would be therapeutic. 

Deep breath, and back to work.