Birthdays in Heaven

Today is Danny's birthday.  It hurts and is hard to get my fingers to even type the next sentence.  He would have been 29.  It's like taking a knife to the gut.  I know there are more "would have been's" to come..more anniversaries, special days, and future endeavors that he was supposed to experience with me.  I don't know if any of these days are more painful than the other, but man, the birthday hurts. This day represents life and the celebration of turning one year older, but now is a harsh reminder of how short his was cut.  Danny has always been older than me; we were born in the same hospital just 8 months apart.  When my birthday rolled around last year, the last thing I wanted to do was celebrate.  I was turning 28, one year older than my husband ever made it to be.  It was a very strange feeling for me, outliving him in that way.  He will always be 27, and my life here just keeps on going.  I'll continue to get older and it is just weird and not fair. BLA!  End of pity rant.
To make the best of this day, family and friends will gather and celebrate Danny's life.  As much as it sucks that he can't be here, there can always be a positive spin.  Today is Danny's special day, so that is what we will make it- special. We will enjoy each other's company, toast to an unbelievable, one of a kind person, and laugh as he would want us to.
Last year a whole busload of people met at the cemetery to release Chinese paper lanterns into the sky, and it was a beautiful sight.  The sky was dark and the lanterns had a pretty, soft glow as they floated up into the sky until out of sight.  (or until out of neighbor's tree..oops!)  Each lantern filled with hello's, I love you's, I miss you's, and Happy Birthday's.  
Today I'm going to pick up 30 balloons, 29 plus one for good luck, so we can send our wishes up to the birthday boy in Heaven.  As I let go of my balloon, it isn't my hope that Danny will somehow "catch it", but that he will be beside me, smiling and guiding my hand as I release it to him. (and knowing Danny, probably trying to pop my balloon to scare me!)  I hope he can feel how much love is filled in that little balloon.  Happy birthday, my Danny.
"If love could have saved you, then you would have lived forever."  Ain't that the truth!